yesterday two very nice things happened.

i've been really lonely recently. not in a "i really want to hang out" sort of way... more in an "i want to feel loved and i want a life" - not a little weird superficial life, but a substantial future, home, dog, love, etc. i've spent the past four days sitting at home on my laptop looking at cars, puppies, graduate programs, etc... it's lonely in a weird sort of i want to be alone kind of way.

yesterday i was spending time with some friends and the fact that we don't hang out that much came up... derek said, "i'm just scared about May. i want to hang out as much as possible." that was all he said. but the thing that i wont forget for a long long time is the fact that he used the word "scared." i don't think that i have ever felt more loved. and i'm not reading anything into it, i'm just saying that it's nice to have good friends. it's so weird. and so later in the evening i decided to throw a pencil at him which stabbed him in the forehead and made him bleed. i'm a good friend.

my david had his yearly review thing yesterday. it was a wonderful success, of course. i'm so proud of him.

i love and am loved.

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